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By Jeff Herring

“The only thing it takes 365 days to change is a year” - Hypnotherapist David Block

“If at any time you make a mistake and want to change your selection, press the star key on the telephone pad.” - AMC 20 Movie Theater recording

Both of the above quotes imply a radical shift in popular thinking about change. They imply that changes can be made quickly, and don’t have to take a long, long time.

I am constantly searching for the very best “change tools” I can find to help the people with whom I work. I look for tools that offer rapid and effective change, and meet at least three criteria:

1) Simple - any one can use them

2) Profound - they work quickly and they last

3) Dependable - they work just about every time

Recently a friend shared with me a wonderful quote from professional speaker Brian Tracy that meets all these criteria and has the potential to be a very rapid and effective change tool. Here’s the quote, in the form of a question:

“If you were starting over today, what would you do differently? Whatever your answer, start doing it now.”

All of us would like to have a chance for a “do over” in some area of our lives. Well, maybe in many areas. Although we cannot change the past, this question offers great direction for making both the present and the future more like we would want it to be.

Let’s look at several areas of our lives and some questions about what we might do over, and then start doing now.

In the area of relationships, would you:

Be closer to those around you? Stay in touch with people? Let those close to you know how much you value them?

In the area of family, would you:

Spend more time with them? Go more places with them? Throw out the ridiculous notion of quality time and replace it with quantify time?

In the area of marriage, would you:

Learn how to communicate more effectively? Make sure, on a regular basis, that your spouse knows they are #1 with you? Honor and cherish them. Remember those words? Ask your self, what am I contributing to making this a cool place to be?

In the area of education, would you:

Go back to school? Find out about something you’ve always wanted to know? Take a class you’ve always wanted to take? Take the time to get really good at something?

In the area of health, would you:

Get in and stay in the best shape you can? Get rid of some extra pounds? Remember, there’s overweight people and there’s old people, but there’s not a whole lot of old overweight people. Eat in a way that supports you?

In the area of finances, would you:

Design a life instead of just making a living? Keep track of where the money goes? Work and live within a budget? Put away something for the future on a regular basis?

In the area of attitude, would you: Pay attention to yours? Model an attitude you would want friends and family to model? Find something positive in almost any situation?

I’m certain there are other areas of your life that you can apply this question. Remember folks, life is not a dress rehearsal, although most of us act like it is.

Here’s the question again,

“If you were starting over today, what would you do differently? Whatever your answer, start doing it now.”

Don’t get caught up and stuck in “I wish I coulda-shoulda-woulda.” Focus on what you can do now, and simply and profoundly, go do it.

Visit SecretsofGreatRelationships.com for tips and tools for creating and growing a great relationship. You can also subscribe to our f*r*e*e 10 day e-program on how to enrich your relationship today, from relationship coach and expert Jeff Herring.

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By Peter Vajda, Ph.D

The question of money as a motivator in the workplace is not new. Years of research, and countless books and articles on motivation include references to money. However, much of the focus on money and motivation points to superficial needs of people or points toward the immediate gratification that money seems to bring. The inquiry around money as a motivator must be explored more deeply if one is to truly understand the nature of the so-called relationship between money and motivation.

There are a number of perspectives relating to money and motivation. Some of these are:

1. "I’m not making as much money as I’d like (the "starving artist" concept), but I absolutely love my work, or the flexibility, or the control I have, or the opportunity for creativity, etc."

2. "I need to be in this salary range, make this much money, because I need to be seen as "somebody" as opposed to "nobody" in my circle of friends, acquaintances, family, etc. who view "money" as a merit badge of some kind."

3. "It’s not the money, per se, but what the money "gets" me….i.e., possessions, stuff, materialism, etc., pointing again, for some, to "being somebody" and being recognized, and gaining self-recognition, based on their material stuff."

4. "I need more and more money as I’ll never have enough, reflecting the "your expenses always rise to meet your income" syndrome…as I said to an attorney client of mine, "If you feel you cannot live on 2 million dollars a year, what makes you think you can live on 3 million?"

5. Unconsciously filling the psycho-emotional "hole" of lack and deficiency…which subsumes one or more of the above…and is the driver of the obsession with having money and needing more money, and what money "gets" one in order to feel (albeit fleetingly) whole and complete. The illusion that money provides a sense of self, or a sense of one’s worth or value.

At the end of the day, I, for one, subscribe to the intrinsic notion of motivation, that motivation is driven by one’s values and so it’s important to explore one’s values and from where one’s values emanate…from one’s True and Real Self, one’s Inner Core or from ego-driven needs for control, recognition and security…misguided values, the relentless pursuit of which, almost always leads to a living (certainly not a life) mired in the self-sabotaging thinking and behaviors reflecting frustration, resentment, anger, hate, rage, entitlement, misguided choices, and the feeling of never having or being enough.

When one comes from one’s core values, one’s Inner Sense of what is important in life and living, then intrinsic, or self-motivation, is at the heart of a life well-lived, at work, at home and at play…and is at the heart of creativity, self-management, self-responsibility, healthy behavior (mental, physical, emotional, spiritual, social, financial). Money, in this sense, has a different emotional and psychological energy around it, a softer energy, not unlike the energy reflected in one who says, "I love my work and I can’t believe I get paid for doing this."

Many folks, in the relentless pursuit of "money" actually lose sight of what it was in the first place that got their juices flowing…having the corner office occludes the initial love of the work, obtaining the title interferes with one’s initial love of mentoring and supporting others…that the relentless pressure to make and have more money becomes more important than the joy one used to experience when one was focused on one’s love of the work itself. Losing one’s way along the way. The mid-life crisis…that now starts at 30.

Money as a driver then obscurates the clarity of one’s choices and one often makes unfortunate and self-sabotaging choices when controlled by money. I, for one, see this all the time in my work with clients…some who have made self-defeating choices in their work life, social life and spiritual life because the lens with which they viewed their world and their place in the world had become "green."

For many of those who believe that "money" is the sign of success, or that money is what it takes to be "somebody", etc., long-term success is often unattainable; it’s the "Sisyphean approach to living.

For many folks, it’s when they have experienced enough anger, anxiety, feelings of inadequacy, terror, and loneliness, that reflected their need for money, and more money, and more money, that they then have the real motivation to change and adapt a life and lifestyle that is true Values-based, values that emanate from their True and Real Self, where money is important, but not an obsession (conscious or unconscious).

Motivation from this place is much different. Motivation from this place is not bounded by internalized pressures to have more, by rigid inner structures or beliefs, by paralyzing self-criticism that one is not (fill in the blank) for lack of enough money (whatever that is). That one’s true worth and value is not financially driven. That one’s purpose in life and the meaning one derives from work is intrinsically driven from one’s Inner Core Values.

From this place, one comes to one’s world of work or play from the perspective of a whole person, as one whose choices, volitions, motivations and intentions are driven by a freedom that was heretofore restricted and constricted by the "value" of money.

Finally, I have crossed paths with folks who feel that money allows them to be autonomous. Me, I see just the opposite. That money has forced many of these folks to live in an emotional and psychological prison whose bars are the self-defeating, self-sabotaging and controlling beliefs and behaviors driving these folks to do, be, and have in a way that forces them into a lifestyle (again, not a life) mimicking the lifestyles of the folks living in their prisons on either side of them…the illusion of autonomy, not the actions of one living from the place of one’s True and Real self.

From this Inner Self, the energy of "I am", "I can", "I will", "I have", "I choose", "I love", "I create" and "I enjoy", that is, motivation and intention, flows with a sense of purposefulness, ease, grace, settledness and grounding that does not have a "price tag."

(c) 2005, Peter G. Vajda, Ph.D. All rights in all media reserved.

Peter G. Vajda, Ph.D, is co-founder of SpiritHeart, an Atlanta, GA firm specializing in coaching, counseling and facilitating. Peter’s expertise focuses on personal, business, and relationship coaching. He is a professional speaker and published author. For more information about his services, email Peter at pvajda@spiritheart.net

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By BILL LUBINGER

NEWHOUSE NEWS SERVICE

When you have the ability to repay a loan sooner than it’s due, should you? And can you, without penalty?

The answer varies according to the loan type and your circumstances. Here’s some insight from Greg McBride, senior financial analyst at Bankrate.com:

• Mortgage: Yes, a home loan can be repaid ahead of its term, and there are many ways to do so. You can pay more each month, with the extra money applied toward the principal. Or you can make lump-sum payments any time, but be sure to designate that the money is to go toward the principal.

Should you? Not necessarily. Mortgages are usually a debt with the lowest interest rates, plus homeowners get tax breaks on the interest.

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Tags: mortgages, loans

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