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What has happened to you can be likened to a cut on your hand: It hurts, and you bleed, but you wash it off, perhaps apply some medication, then a bandage and allow time as well as the healing processes of the human system to make it all well again. So it is with the dissolution of a marriage, but the bottom line is still: You must cure yourself of the hurt before you can be happy again.

You’re going to feel lonely, lost and deserted. You’re going to grieve. You are going to mourn the loss of your loved one. You’re going to deny that it’s over, and think of it as a bad dream. You may fall into a state of deep depression and pretend that it’s only a game that will soon end.

In order to counter these feelings, you must try to keep yourself busy - cleaning the house, washing your car, writing out a budget, studying and/or working - you must force yourself to "keep moving and working" on the kinds of things that make you self-sufficient as well as a person that can hold his or her head up in any crowd or situation.

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Tags: divorce

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When you’ve been the "victim" of a divorce, the first thing you MUST UNDERSTAND and BEGIN BELIEVING is that YOU ARE NOT GOING TO DIE BECAUSE OF IT- Regardless of how badly you feel, you must realize that it has happened to millions of people before you; it is happening to countless people every day; and it will continue to happen to millions of people so long as there is love, marriage and divorce.

Although you may never have felt such pain in your life before, YOU WILL GET OVER IT. It takes time, but you will recover and find love again. It’s imperative that you understand this, and believe it, even if you have to write it in big letters on your bedroom mirror, type it out on a 3 x 5 card you carry with you in your wallet, or say it aloud to yourself every hour on the hour.

You must at the same time, understand that people suffering from divorce go through certain predictable phases of thinking and acting as they begin to recover. In order to cope with the insecurity, uncertainty, and emotional damage you’ve suffered, you should understand that it’s only natural that you go through each of these phases, and that as a result, you will again be a happy person.

Perhaps the second hardest thing the person who has been "victimized" in a divorce has to do is let go. It’s vitally important that you immediately let go of the other person; realize that the marriage is over, and begin setting your own life in order.

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Jul 5, 2006 | 373 words, 0 images

A posthumous divorce might sound other-worldly but it’s a very real possibility, thanks to recent changes in probate laws and some unusual lawsuits involving spouses who died during divorce proceedings, the National Law Journal reports.

In Pennsylvania, a dentist was killed in his home the night before he was to sign divorce papers. In Connecticut, millionaire developer Andrew Kissel was found murdered in his Greenwich home in April, nearly a year after his wife filed for divorce.

Admittedly, such cases are rare but recently revised state probate laws could cause unintended results for married people with children who die while getting or contemplating a divorce, experts warn, especially if they do not have a will.

Specifically, intestacy laws could allow one spouse to inherit another’s entire estate, including assets that the other person didn’t want the spouse to have, according to family law expert Jonathan W. Wolfe of Livingston, N.J. "Intestate" is the legal term for not having a will.

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Tags: posthumous divorce, National Law Journal, probate laws, intestacy laws, Uniform Probate Code’s intestacy statute, American Bar Association’s General Practice

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